A Real friend is……

We all have had that “Best friend” The one in high school. The one we hung out with on Friday nights, went to the school games with, the one we could divulge our secrets to, the one who was there for us when our boyfriend did the unthinkable, which resulted  in a dreaded break up. Lets go back farther…the Bestest friend in the whole wide world, the one you met in elementary school. The friend you rode horses with, the one who had cows in her backyard instead of a pool, the one you would laugh with, curse with (when the adults were not around!) and the one you would occasionally have arguments with. Those were the days! After the arguments you would bond together even stronger and fight for each others honor when someone messed with them!  Remember even earlier! Lets go back to Kindergarten. Our best friend was our best friend one day and then the next they would say; “I’m not going to be your friend!” It was a crushing moment. Tears would flow and hearts were broken forever….until you brought twinkies to school and you not only gained that best friend back but you acquired about 5 more on top of that! These are the things I remember when one of my children come home heartbroken over a friend or so called friend. I remember how it was so well, and how real those feelings were. When kids get older they start to develop more meaningful friendships. They start to learn who their real friends are, who the fair weather friends are and who just used them when they needed something. These are hard lessons. Parents try to guide their children in the right direction when it comes to friends. We discourage them from hanging out with the ones who frequently get into trouble and encourage them to spend more time with the “good kids” , the ones who are never in the office, the ones who get strait A’s. But, its not that easy. These so called good kids very well may be the ones who slip through the radar, the sneaky Eddie Haskal type kids. Don’t be fooled! A good test of character is at a party of their peers. In a group. Who is following the crowd? Who is the ring leader? Who stands out as respectful and who does not. It was a sobering and eye opening experience when my son had his birthday. Every boy child in the 4th grade was invited. I was amazed how the so called “good kids” were the most disrespectful. The child who was deemed the Wild one of the group, was indeed the wild one! I did witness about three boys who were exceptional. My son invited a boy he called his best friend. This so called friend was one of the most disrespectful. My son almost cried at his own birthday party and when he got home he said ” Mom, I’m so sad, I thought he was my friend.” How sad is that. I felt like crying! I tried to make light of it by telling my son that the boy was just excited and showing off and who cares, he scored all these cool gifts and gift cards! These early childhood experiences should be remembered. They help us later on when we develop and establish  adult relationships. Finding the right people who build us up, not tear us down. The ones like we had in high school who we could trust with our feelings or the ones in elementary school who we could disagree with but seemed to figure things out and come out stronger. The Kindergarten friends….not so much, but these are the fair weather friends we should indeed remember. The ones who only want to be your friend when you have something they want, or need. These childhood experiences are important, important in determining which friends to keep and which to say a kind goodbye. All friends come into our lives for a reason. Some for  many years, some for a few months and  sometimes  for even a day.  My prayer is that my children can have many friends that enrich their lives as they enrich theirs as well as to be able to determine who is the right match for them.

A  friend is all good and a bag of twinkies until the twinkies run out, but then again, that is Not a friend. Now go out there and teach those kids what a Real friend is. Why? Because the mama said so.

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When the Mama Claws come out, keep yours in

Mama Claws, the definition of when one mom lashes out at another mom because she is not happy with something that another child did to her child. Some claws come out without warning, scratching violently at their victim. The victim quickly defends her child becoming the lion she never thought was in her. Hearts pounding, adrenaline pumping, mascara running! Woman’s faces that were so peacefully enjoying their children’s play have turned into ugly crinkled up foreheads, scowling lips and red faces. Just a minute ago they were sweet caring mommies with their precious little ones. So what’s the deal? Sweet little junior who was having a wonderful time for over an hour, with your child, suddenly gets hurt. Its the classic case of playtime getting out of hand or playtime gone wrong.  So Mama claw decides to lash out at Your child. You see it, you must address it. How do you address it? The first Feeling, and I really empathize the word Feeling, is anger. How dare you speak to MY child that way! This is a child, that you are hounding down with pointed finger and not to mention scaring the heck out of! Get Away From My Kid or I’ll Bust You up! Even before knowing what my child may have done,I’m already raging inside, heart pumping wildly and Claws…yes, Claws ready to come out. Stop!! Put on the brakes already, I tell myself. I’m already dealing with a raging claws out mama, ready to fight woman so why feed her fire? So, I simply state that it is My child she is speaking to and what seems to be the problem? The now half cat, half woman starts to ramble on about how her child got hurt and bla bla bla. I, already knowing how much fun they were all having, immediately apologize, stating that my child is not violent, however I am very sorry for what he had done. Now, at this moment, I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, not having spoken to my child to hear his side. All I can see is my son crying and shaking from afar over this cat woman who was “after him.” After my sincere apology, I see her claws retract. I then explained to her how much fun they were all having earlier (apparently she did not notice as she was chatting on her phone) and how her child was chasing mine with a water gun and how they were all laughing yadda yadda. Her crinkled up brow and her red face disappeared. I explained that it seemed as if it was playtime escalating and getting out of hand. She then softened, I apologized again and she said “Its ok.” smiled and walked away. Phew!!!! What a relief! I felt calm inside, I felt peace. God was with me, guiding me in this situation. It could have easily gone the other way. My poor boy was upset, angry and ready to fight! He had been kicked in the stomach apparently and was trying to get away, thus hurting her child. He wanted justice, he wanted me to go tell her, tell her what her child did. It was hard, but I simply told him that it was not worth it. The mama was upset that her child got hurt and that’s all she could see. She could not see how much fun they were all having and that it was just play getting out of hand. My son learned a few things that day. We spoke about self control, about focusing on all the fun he had with her child and about a mothers “claws”.

 Her mama claws came out at my boy.  She could have been nicer I suppose.  She could have spoken to my son in a nicer , non threatening way but that was not what she did.  I told my son that her Mamma Claws came out, but I decided to keep mine in.

Ahhhh…playtime…Its all fun and a bag of fishie crackers until the other kid gets hurt. Now all you mamas out there have compassion, be nice and keep the claws in! Why? Because the mama said so!

Be nice and behave or else I will….

114Seriously, how many times have you heard moms say the phrase, be nice or I will…. take away your stuffed animal or take away computer time or tv time or bla ,bla ,bla. How many times have I said this? Way too many! I’m actually starting to annoy myself with this phrase. How many times do I follow through  when the unfavorable behavior does not stop? Uhhhhhhh…about 50% of the time. Its rough being the warden of the house, the bad cop, the mean mommy. I have this unrealistic vision that whenever I say this , they will get scared and magically behave. Well, I suppose they would magically behave if I followed through, like Every time! But, I admit, I don’t. Why? Because  when I proclaimed that Doggie the stuffed dog could not sleep with my little princess, it was about 11:00 in the afternoon. It is now bed time and  I feel horrible. After all, the drama occurred earlier in the day. She was quite well behaved the rest of the day and now I’m ruining a sweet bed time moment when I read her a story and kiss her goodnight. So, what is the solution to my dilemma? Maybe I should just treat the situation like a person would deal with a pet. Swift action in the heat of the moment. If she is playing with a toy at that moment, it gets taken away. Waiting until bed time is just like holding onto a grudge. From this day forth, I will try my best to not use that phrase. I will try to deal with the situation as it occurs and basically forgive, forget and move on. Let’s see how I do.

Now, you all go out there and behave! Why? Because the mama said so!

Flying with a chatter box, The Blabber Mouth Diaries

photoIt’s that time of year again folks! The Great Family Vacation!

I have the quiet kid who falls asleep within the first 10 minutes of flight, and the other who, well, can stay awake and outlast us all. Being that we all had to wake up at the insane persons hour of 4:00 am to catch a flight, you would think….I repeat myself, you would THINK….that..”Outlasto” would enter the sweet land of slumbersville. Not in this lifetime! Being the supermom planner that I am, prior to departing the house in the morning, I was bustling around at 11:00 p.m to get everything ready for the next morning. Snacks, check! Leap Pad, check! Cell phone and power chord, check! Extra underwear for the dribbler who can never make it to the potty on time, check! And what the heck, I’ll make two custom sandwiches for the kids just in case! Its now 11:30 p.m. Did I mention the alarm clock was scheduled to wake us up at 4:00 am? Do you see where this is going? 4:00 arrives and my son is UP! He proclaims to be the morning hero who saves the trip because he was up before us all. Thanks buddy! Great work! Now go back in your room and put your shirt on properly as it is backwards and inside out. On the plane….. I order a coffee to wake me up as I am just a tad  sleepy. Gosh, wonder why! I have no idea what is or is Not in that coffee, but it does nothing for me.

My lil sunshine starts to chat. She is so cute siting next to me like a big girl in her seat. I’m cracking up over her spirited and spunky commentary. It’s all so sweet until I start to doze off and close my eyes. I hand her some coloring pages, a few New toys and a super awesome invisible ink activity book to keep her occupied so I can, close my eyes. This is when it all begins… Tap, Tap, tap; “Look Mommy! Look at my picture!” I respond with your typical “Nice sweetie, I like it!” and she responds with a ; “Mommy!, you didn’t look!” My eyes start to close again. Tap, Tap, Tap (this time the tap kinda hurt!) “Excuse me mommy…Wake Up!” I kindly ask her to please allow mommy to rest her eyes. I explained that I was not trying to sleep, just resting my eyes, however, she is not buying it one single, tiny bit. Arrrrg! I’m tired! Exhausted! I have been packing and planning all week and got zero sleep the night before. I start to doze off again, almost making it to the point where I feel I may begin the drooling stage of a semi coma. Tap, Tap, Tap (dang, that one stung this time!) “Mom! do you wanna sticker? Can I put it on your hair?” So, this is when I start to get agitated and start to feel some resentment toward the man who is sitting in front of me with his 10 yr old son. He is SLEEPING! He has the Quiet kid, the kid who falls asleep within the first 10 minutes of flight. That man is my husband and right now, I want to slap him. I lean forward, Tap, Tap, tap…. and whisper ” Honey,  on the way home, you are sitting with her!!” He has NO idea why I said that or that I even said it. The man is in dreamland already on his vacation while I sit next to lil miss chatterbox. She has very annoyingly but successfully gained my Full attention. I have been  adorned with  several stickers in my hair. That’s what I get for resting my eyes.  Tap, tap, tap……Zzzzz